Seattle Suicide

The poll is over (has been for a week now) and you have chosen the Seattle Suicide as the next name for the a franchise in the Seattle Area.

As a bunch of cynical bastards, I had the feeling you would pick this, but it makes sense. Gloomy skies, a lot of bridges, high divorce rate, Demarcus Cousins, it just makes sense.

The Seattle Suicide sounds awful, but anything is better than going back to the SuperSonics. Let me explain.

I was a big fan of the Sonics in the mid 90's. I was young and impressionable so naturally seeing Shawn Kemp - pre-cocaine, dunking on someone then pointing to them on the ground was just the baddest thing on the planet. Gary Payton was the scary black guy that I wanted to be friends with. Detlef Schrempf was the pure shooter/weird foreign guy. And Sam Perkins was the lazy big man who just wanted to shoot the three (setting the way for players such as Mehmet Okur, Pau Gasol, and Channing Frye). So much to love!

So naturally when the team got swindled out of Seattle and moved to Oklahoma over night, I was furious. I was pissed at Stern and the rest of the league officials. (I hold grudges what can I say?)

Two Christmas' ago, a friend of mine gave me a retro Sonics hat. I loved it, it exemplified my old love for the team, and my angst towards the NBA. IT WAS A STATEMENT.

If the God-awful Kings move up to Seattle and become the Sonics my hat will become useless. Instead of it being a throwback to one of the most entertaining duos in history, it will be a reminder of how wretched the combination of Tyreke Evans and Jimmer Fredette is. TYREKE EVANS AND JIMMER FREDETTE.

Its selfish of me to save the integrity of my hat, but now that I think about it... they won't be called the Seattle Suicide because of the condition of Seattle PRIOR to the Kings move, but because of what will become of Seattle once the Kings move there.

The New Warriors Jersey Make Me Look Fat

Lets face it. Wearing a basketball jersey in public is not for everyone.

It's for the guy who works out frequently, shaves his body hair, and wears backwards hats.
It's not for the 28 yr old graduate student who takes roughly one shower every two days.

Which is why Adidas has released a new jersey "for fans." (you can see it HERE)

God damn liars. The only reason why the NBA and Adidas is doing this is for $$$ of course. There are fans out there that feel obligated to buy every jersey released. But there are a lot of fans out there that shouldn't be wearing these jerseys either. I don't want to see the overweight, fair-weather, schmuck, sitting behind their teams bench wearing a tight jersey. These jerseys will make you look fat and ridiculous! At least normal NBA jerseys aren't skin tight, and leave a lot of room for improvement - if you know what I mean.

And what about NBA players? Is Spencer Hawes or Louis Scola going to look good in these jerseys? They're going to look downright ridiculous! It's times like these I wish coaches suited up in uniform (like baseball). I could really go for seeing Marc Jackson in something like this.

Video of the Weak!

Thank God you're wearing that Celtics hat Bill, or else they might have thought you were Kimbo Slice, or Frederick Douglass.

One of my favorite moments of the video is if you listen verrryyy carefully you can hear the female co-host acknowledging that it is Morgan Freeman. Then sound in slight horror when they've made the mistake. She probably had her career flash before her eyes in the form of a race card.

This video raises the question: is this a case of all athletes look the same? Or Nobody gives a shit about basketball?