Basketpoop

Normally I speak of how shitty the league is, but today I want to talk about how league-y shit is. And by that I mean player's that can be translated into particular types of poop.

For example: The Tony Parker = The floater poop. Tony Parker is known for floating shots over tall men in the paint. This poop is known for floating to the bowl over your taint.

You get the idea. Anyway here we go.

The Pacers = This is the type of poop that disappears. You look at the bowl, and there's no poop to be found. You swear that it was there, you felt it, but when you looked, it was gone.

The Blake Griffin = Messy, and goes hard to the hole. It doesn't have the most eloquent moves, but it goes hard and fast, making a mess on the way out.

The Rocket = A team that doesn't perform well on the road can only mean a person who can't poop on the road. Can't get a road win because you're scared of someone walking in while cutting a rope? Man up!

The Deron Williams = When you blame other people for your inability to poop. "Nick made a shitty dinner, and now I'm all constipated and shit."

The Sterling = When you get very concerned by the different colors of your poop.

The Stephen Curry = The long range dump. Mostly happens when in fear of putting your precious cheeks on a public toilet (usually a porta potty). Mostly used at fairs, beaches, and sporting events. You squat above the target, and let it fly.

The Laker = Diarrhea

The Black Mamba = Long dark snakish type of poop. Usually occurs after a Halloween party.

The Garnett = Makes you talk a lot during the poop. You'll find yourself cursing, and swearing in pain during the pooping process.

That's it for now, I might update the list later after hearing some ideas from you guys.

Best and Worst of Playoffs (Commercials)

Good: Damien Lillard. Sweet new shoe contract with Adidas bro. What is this? 1994? No but really, the commercial is really good. You got football and a basketball legend (sorry Chris Webber). And Damien's acting is waaayy better than Derick Rose's, and all D-Rose needs to do is read a cue card. You win Damien!

Bad: Stephen Curry. When you're not piggybacking off of Chris Paul's StateFarm commercials, you're doing ...deodorant?! And they're not even funny commercials like Old Spice. They're a very serious, "If you work hard, you will improve," commercial about not having smelly pits.

Ugly: Amazing Spider Man 2. The Spider-Man commercial helping the TNT cast is embarrassing. For one, I hate all the movie tie-ins the NBA does during the playoffs (Van Helsing still being the worst, followed closely by the Fantastic 4). But you can't feed into the stereotype of black people being late to work. Kenny Smith is running late so Spidey swings in and delivers him to work on time? Did they stop at Waffle House for some food too? Eat shit.