The Dumpys!!!

Welcome to the first annual Dumpy Awards. Where we like to knowldge those who underachieve, lack talent, give up, and thrive in dumpiness.

Without further adieu...the Dumpys:

Dumppiest T shirt award: Dwight Howards "Loyalty" shirt

Honestly? For two years you make an entire city (and organization) think you're going to leave. Meanwhile, other cities and fans are drooling at the mouth to have you play for them. GM's are scrambling to land you in their city. All while your coach gets fired (because of you), gm fired (because of you), and teammates don't want to play with you (because of you)... but when you decide to stay for 1 MORE YEAR you're considered loyal? I bet Melo and LeBRON change their minds now after seeing these shirts. 

Dumppiest Team Award: The Detroit Pistons

I know most of you were thinking the Charlotte Bobshats were going to receive this award. The reason the Shats didn't win is because we know they're a team. All year long we were reminded of how bad Charlotte was doing. The entire country watched as each loss tallied towards monumental dumpy season. What about Detroit?

**Last night friend looking at the results of the draft on their phone

Hornets... Bobcats... Thunder... Detroit.. Detr..? Oh man, I totally forgot that Detroit had a team.

Dookie of the Year

Sorry Sacramento, you don't have a stadium to play your games, you don't have a coach, and you don't have "college" Jimmer. What you got is a below average honky that Cousins and Evans play keep away from. All those white Sacramento folk travel through the farm land to see Jimmer hit 3's from half court, and instead they get Tyreke Evans slowly convincing them that losing their team to another city isn't so bad after all. 

Most Dumpy (Bitter) City: Tie, Seattle/Cleveland 

Seattle was robbed of the SuperSonics and they.will.not.let.you.forget.it. 

Spend a half a years income to dress up like zombies, make signs, income to travel to Miami, and root against your old team. I love it. Good job guys, you may have been the reason why OKC lost. 

Cleveland is one dumpy city. But that wont stop them from being downright sour. 

I'm not sure what to make of this really. Its kinda like your ex girlfriend, teaming up with a newer ex girlfriend in hopes that you fail at life?? But OKC had nothing to do with this shirt. Cleveland took it upon themselves to make this shit, without OKC's consent, and sell them at bars while watching LeBRON win his championship. And how does Seattle feel about this shirt. "Won't steal your Thunder"?? This shirt has FAIL written all over it. You piss off Seattle by reminding them, you didn't ask OKC if they wanted to team up, and LeBRON wins.

But I do love it, and if anyone from Cleveland sees this I would love a shirt. 


The Dump of the Year: 


Before we celebrate the Best of the Worst, allow us to recap on some of the more dumpier players in the league.

Kapono: Shooting dump
Bibby/Baron Davis: Broken Dumps
Golden State Warriors: Dumpy GM
Raptors: Foreign Dump
Yi Jianlian: Damn I forgot about him, Can't believe he was a lottery pick DUMP
Boozer: Can't screw over any more cities cause he sucks DUMP

BUT THE BIGGEST DUMP OF THEM ALL IS: 


LAMAR ODOMMMMMMMMM


I know I've been hard on Lamar in the past for missing right handed lay ups, underachieving, and shooting too many 3s. Last year he proved me wrong....buuuttt this year he proved me 1000 percento correcto!!

How does a player go from being the 6th man of the year to the D-League, to being cut from the team? Too many packs of purple Skittles? Too many trips to Pound Town with Chloe?

What makes Lamar so dumpy? Its not a case of ability, but of attitude! The constant soap opera of "Will Lamar show up tonight?" Nope, well send his ass to the D-League, "No coach! I promisseee I'll play hard tonight,," WRONG AGAIN! CUT FROM THE FUCKING TEAM!!1

6th MAN OF THE YEARRR!!! Would Ginobli or Harden ever do this?!

Lets face it, Lamar has always been an underachiever, he was supposed to be the Pippen to the Laker's Jordan, But then become a role player.. and then became a bench player.. then a D-league player.. to a nothing player.

This is a classic case of a spoiled athlete who will only compete for a few teams. And with free agency being the way it is, we're going to see a lot more players do this in the future.

But for now, Lamar, you are the Dumpiest player of the year. You should be proud, you beat out some stiff competition: Javale McGEE, Rudy Fernandez, Derek Fisher, Luc Mbah a Moute, Channing Frye.

Glyding Through Hate

Sometimes I don't need to say anything...

Clyde Drexler:

"Magic was always..." And Drexler goes into a decent Magic impression: "'Come on, Clyde, come on, Clyde, get with me, get with me,' and making all that noise. And, really, he couldn't play much by that time. He couldn't guard his shadow."

"But you have to have to understand what was going on then. Everybody kept waiting for Magic to die. Every time he'd run up the court everybody would feel sorry for the guy, and he'd get all that benefit of the doubt. Magic came across like, 'All this is my stuff.' Really? Get outta here, dude. He was on the declining end of his career."

Drexler had played exquisitely in the 1992 All-Star Game in Orlando, although the MVP award eventually went to Magic, who had been added by Commissioner Stern as a special thirteenth player to the Western Conference roster. "If we all knew Magic was going to live this long, I would've gotten the MVP of that game, and Magic probably wouldn't have made the Olympic team."

Couldn't guard his own shadow

If we knew he was going to live this long...

...Everyone felt sorry for the guy.

This is tremendous

American Nightmare

What's more baller than triple doubling your way to a championship?
Answer: Lebron wearing a shirt of Lebron as a vampire while celebrating your championship. Duh.

RECAPPPP


Miller Time
I guess championship clinching games heal bad groins, knees, back, and wrists. But also give you the uncanny ability to take the worst chargers of the season. The country was not ready for Mike Miller to revert back to old Mike Miller, and either was the Thunder (ooo burn).


Worst Championship Interviewer
Stuart Scott you are awful. 
"Where's LeBRON when you need him? Right here. Come here Dwayne Wade"
He had one real sour question per big 3.
"Hey Bosh, how does it feel to be the forgotten big 3" **Boos**
"D Wade, when did you realize you needed to defer to LeBRON?" **Boos**
Miami, good job Booing (Bonus points for booing the commissioner)

Durant MVP
I had more than a few bitter fans tell me they thought Durant was the leagues MVP. I'll admit that Durant is the runner up, but that gap between runner up and MVP is a big one. That triple double in the clinching game proved it... Speaking of Durant..

DLF Quote of The Night
kd is crying!! aahhaaahahaha

Thunder
Why didn't they win? Westbrook? Harden? Too young?
NO NO NO

#thebasedgodcurse

Don't know Lil B Based God?




What a great (terrible) way to end this post.

Final Countdown

I hate that song.
Westbrook going beast, Bron going Pierce, Bosh going dinosaur, Thunder fans go cry baby, and Sonic fans don't forget.

Westbrook
How can Russel be the best and worst player for the Thunder? Score 40 pts, and lose the game? Too be fair, if it weren't for him the Thunder wouldn't have a chance (Where the hell is Harden?). But this is the NBA, and shit ain't fair, just ask LeBRON. Westbrook probably won't be remembered for his 40 points, but instead his turnovers and his inability to pass to Durant in the closing minutes of the game. The only person on the court that can stop Durant is Westbrook. Spoelstra should go shake that guys hand.

Bosh
He has one of those 'dinosaur' moments each game it seems. He gets a rebound, loose ball, or an and-1...then loses it. Gets up, flexes his muscles, and spits all over the first row. Shows more emotion than the rest of the Heat team combined. I love it.

REFS
Someone call the WAmbulance for all those Thunder fans who claim the refs are missing a bunch of calls. Maybe if the Thunder could win on their homecourt, hit free throws, and find James Harden, they'd be winning games. But, if these refs make the people of Oklahoma suspicious of the NBA's behavior I'm all for it. Speaking of suspicious NBA behavior...

Sonics Gate
Bless the peoples of Seattle for never forgetting. Two dudes dressed in Sonic jerseys, and white face paint sat behind the Thunder bench rooting against them. Throwing up a green and yellow sign expressing their displeasure with the Thunder. Stop worrying about the refs, and just be happy you have a team Oklahoma (because what else do you got besides BiBi Jones?)

Check out the Sonic fans HERE

BRON
Could play with one leg and still be better than 90% of the league.
Xoxoxox

Video of the Weak

 What's better than a flopper? Two duh.
Imagine if that were Fisher and Battier. Two of the most prolific "half-court" floppers in the game?
It would've been something else.
 sorta like this..

Finals Preview

Ex-Sonics - Heat
Heat in 6

Check Mate

I woke up this morning excited. I had a feeling that tonight's game was going to be something special.

Either BRON tells the entire country to shut the fuck up, or the entire country laughs a deafening "HA" in BRON's face.

I've been hearing about it from anyone and everyone. Earlier today I was at my neighborhood pool, and someone was telling me they can't wait to see LeBRON lose. That he likes "Classic" teams like the Celtics.

I love how the nation's hate for LeBRON distorts into like for other teams.

The stage was set.

Spoelstra needs to go back to the Philippines

Break up the big three

Give Reiley a wheel chair

The Celtics had everything going in their favor. They won 3 in a row, they were coming back home for game 6, Bosh is banged up, Rondo is on fire, Pierce is clutch. Boston was about to go back to the finals.

The entire country had their anti LeBRON ammunition cocked and ready to fire.

He's not clutch!

He's a bum!

He Chokes again!

Moved to Miami and he still sucks

He's good til the fourth quarter

He's going bald!

But then LeBRON showed up to an elimination game, on the road, put the entire team on his back and willed his team to a shallacking of epic proportions.

45 (30 in the first half) pts of "I'm clutch."
15 rebounds of "I am the best in the league."
5 assists of "I woulda had more but no one else on my team can shoot...but I pass to them anyway cause I'm a nice guy"

All the analysts had to tuck their tail between their legs.
All the haters had to swallow their ammunition, and were reminded that The King is the best player on the planet, and proved tonight why he's deserving of three MVPs.

We could look to a 28 year old man who has accomplished more in 3 years than most have in a lifetime for inspiration, but instead we look at him to fail. Maybe it's because we've failed? Misery needs company? Or maybe because its just easier.

But while us schmucks are watching every move James makes in hopes to see him fail, he calmly trots backwards with his headband strategically placed high, mouth piece loosely fit in his mouth telling the entire nation to Shut the fuck up.

And we should.

Rondo Rage

The fans have spoken, so here we are.
Sorry for the lack of updates, but when there are only 4 teams left playing things get a little stale.
Except when ESPN decides to give Rondo blowjobs on air.

I'm so God damn sick of hearing comparisons of Rondo to Bird, Hevlicek, and Cousy I could scream.

The guy is a slightly above average point guard at best. The only thing he's good at is getting rid of the ball. And he has three hall of famers to throw it to. Put that schmuck on the FailBlazers and lets see how good he is. Who's gana bail him out? Batum?!
The bum shoots lousy from the free throw line, worse from three, and the only shot he makes consistently is that dumb "fake wrap around the back" lay up.

And to make matters easier for Rondo Spoelstra can't control his team, and there is absolutely no inside presence. Garnett looks like the Big Ticket against the White Soft Heat.

How can Rondo be considered a great PG when all defenders need to do is give him space? Remember when Kobe was considered the best defender since Jordan because he gave Rondo 5 feet to shoot?? AND HE WOULDN'T! Give Nash/cp3/D rose 5 feet and they burn you straight to hell sucka.

The only thing Rondo is good at (that I'll give him credit for) is knowing how and when to talk shit. That half time hate he spit at game 4 was a thing of beauty.
But I do find it ironic that a guy who plays alongside Paul Pierce (who left the game in a wheelchair only to come back and play perfectly fine) has the audacity to blame the other team for crying.

F you Celtics.